While Googling myself, I discovered a brief synopsis for an upcoming film called The Telephone Hour, in which Robert Downey, Jr. plays an agoraphobic man named Sam Martone. Excited, I began Googling Sam Martone, not myself, but the character Sam Martone as portrayed by Robert Downey, Jr. in The Telephone Hour, only to learn the film is entirely fabricated. It exists only as the synopsis, a brief post on a fan-fiction writer’s tumblr, complete with mock-up movie poster. Disappointed I would not be joining the ranks of the real life Sam Spades and Lloyd Dobblers and Annie Halls, I imagined a life I could have had, a life where I, the real life Sam Martone, became impossible to Google. Instead, I’d be obscured by movie reviews, photos from the premiere, and people reciting classic lines from classic scenes. The film, I thought, had the potential to be a new Jerry Maguire or Forrest Gump, introducing a beloved character who would be embraced by audiences everywhere. I began to question why the tumblr-er had not simply titled the movie Sam Martone, ensuring Sam Martone’s entrance into eponymous movie hero history. I tried to imagine the character Sam Martone’s “You complete me” or “I’ll have what she’s having,” or the iconic moment that would play as Robert Downey, Jr. walked up to accept his Oscar. Nothing came to mind: only gloomy scenes of Sam Martone sitting in silence. Here is Sam Martone ordering groceries. Here is Sam Martone Googling himself. Here is Sam Martone imagining what it would be like to have a character in a movie share his name, what it would be like to be tied eternally to a silver-screen doppelganger, someone to always root for, a man who could do anything, the hardest thing, all the things that Sam Martone could not. Here is Sam Martone watching Sam Martone at the climactic moment when he—they—finally step outside.