If you’re a lady with an office job in the United States, most days you probably only think about the patriarchy eighteen to twenty times, tops*. From the perspective of your grandmother and of ladies without office jobs, this rate is “progress.” Other days, you’re reading the Internet on your lunch break, and everybody with a blog is all, “V.S. Naipaul says lady-writers SUCK!” There goes your afternoon; now you can’t think of anything but the patriarchy.
You can feel better momentarily by wondering where Naipaul’s eyes have gone.
For more permanent relief, buy your favorite lady-drink on the way home from work and drink a little (or, hey, a lot) of it after dinner (you cooked, right? ‘cause you’re a lady!). Next, examine the “non-lady books” section (it’s so small!) of your library and dig up those two Naipaul novels your professor assigned in college that one time.
Step three involves considering burning the books, then deciding against the bad historical juju that might bring up. Step four is remembering that (a) tomorrow is garbage day and (b) the dumpster behind your apartment smells like dead feral dog.
Step five: Pour any remaining lady-drink onto Naipaul’s tomes (he would think it was the grossest!).
Step six: Chuck books into dead-feral-dog-smelling dumpster.
Step seven: Feel very satisfied that although you did not actually destroy any literature or technically suppress anyone’s voice (like that stupid patriarchy), the Naipaul novels are unlikely to tempt any potential readers in their current condition.
Afterward, do not call your boyfriend and get into a long argument about the “oppression Olympics” and how he should try taking a 23% pay cut and removing all his body hair and seeing how he likes it.
Good work, lady! Tomorrow: leaving Phillip Roth books outside in the rain.
*Actually, haha, your mileage will vary based on age, race, industry, weight, “attractiveness,” neurological state, physical abilities, intelligence, footwear, eyewear, legwear, geographical location, etc., etc.!
Smile.
Laugh