Not all teas are created equal. Take Tetley’s Green Tea with Lemon, whose taste is described as “an ugly light starved moth … excreted from the behind of an ill cat.”
No. Not equal. Not all of them.
If you’re in search of a tea for the finer palette, might I humbly suggest Celestial Seasonings’ Sleepytime Tea, or for the blackout sleeper, Sleepytime Extra—both of which feature a comatose bear on the box. He is no ordinary bear, but one caught in the throes of hibernation, complete with nightcap and kerchief. What’s more, he’s sitting upright in his chair, clawed paws gripping the fabric as if that sleepy, old bear might otherwise topple headlong onto the rug. The picture makes it clear—this is one knocked out bear, so sleepy he has yet to maul the muffins plated alongside him. Equally peculiar is that his tea appears untouched, as if winter came early, conking him out prior to endorsing his product. Blame it on the chamomile, the spearmint—the secret ingredients old Sleepy Bear had hidden in his honey pot.
In his sleep-induced absence, I will say only this: For we humans who do not have the luxury of a slowed heart rate come winter, I wholly endorse Sleepytime Tea. And yes, while it is my great hope that the good people at Celestial Seasonings might stumble across this review and offer me a lifetime supply, even more exciting is the prospect that they might dispatch old Sleepy Bear himself to award me my prize. He’s long overdue to be woken, although I will not do the waking. I have seen firsthand what those claws have done to those cushions, and I prefer my lights out nightly; I am not yet ready for the long yawn of eternity.
Original Post: #6 – Tetley Green Tea with Lemon
[...] Not all teas are created equal http://300reviews.com/2011/02/02/a-reply-to-6-sleepytime-tea/ [...]
[...] For a reply to this post, see “Sleepytime Tea.” [...]